Internal conflicts are just the pits. Every day I sit with my coffee and dream about two careers at once – music and plant science – and I struggle to comprehend how I could ever choose to pursue just one.
But here’s the thing – why can’t I do both? I mean, seriously – is there a law of nature or state that says I can’t be a composer and a plant scientist at the same time? Surely there’s a way to make it work. I see post-docs put a helluva lot of hours in, and I KNOW that music is a lifestyle, not a job. It would be hard to combine them simultaneously.
Doing the science can be so inspiring when it isn’t freakishly challenging – and it does feed a part of me that music doesn’t touch. The grown-up side, I think. However, without music I think I’d just be a husk – it’s my outlet, my communication with the world.
My wife says I need to be more organised. I reckon that would go a long way. Put things in calendars, and stick to them. Make plans and see them through. I’ve never done that before – might help things to start now.
I think I’ve also got to find success. It’s the fuel that powers me on, to help me understand that it’s worth the pain and tiredness. That doesn’t have to be published journal articles or scoring movies with J. J. Abrams (although that would be nice) – but I think it’s recognition. I’d like to be recognised – that should be a nice reward. One day perhaps.
So… the true reason why musoscientific exists emerges. It’s not about a muso changing careers, it’s about a muso who also happens to do science. Let’s see where this goes, eh?