I’ve gotta get better at this. I really do – because I never want to give up writing and playing around with music. But having to deal with a full-time science course at the same time as maintaining a level of music work is stressful.

And here’s a few reasons why –

Work for a composer is unpredictable. For most people (like myself), if a gig rolls along you latch on as well as you can, do as good a job as you can before burning out in a heap – at which point you regress into a binge of WoW playing and red wine. But… your next gig may not come for a while. So you are always mindful of this fact when another gig falls into your lap, and you can’t help but say YES to it.

Work for a composer is impulsive… and the people you generally work with are impulsive too. Things need to be done NOW. Or YESTERDAY. Which is totally fine – it’s the way it works – deadlines need to be met, and you’re role is just a cog in a machine that’s fueled by adrenaline, vodka shots and Doritos corn chips. The ethos is ‘work hard now… right now’.

These two reasons (mainly) are why I find it hard to study as well. Science doesn’t come easy to me – generally music does. So I need extra time to learn about nucleotides and heterogenous equilibria. I try really hard to ration my time during the week have enough time to do all this, PLUS the music projects I’m working on simultaneously – but somehow, the need to ‘get the music right’ just seems to become more important.

I don’t want to give up my music. I love it, and I doubt I would be anywhere close to something resembling happy if I didn’t have a boxed orchestra to play with. But science is cool too – and new, and filled with lots of shiny objects and mysterious compounds and fluorescent pigs, and the promise of a rewarding career one day.

So… I gotta get better at this.

Anyone else feel the same?